These are days when anything and everything can be ordered off the internet. Indeed, the Government positively encourages us to do so, as part of its fight against Covid. The Man from Madras Musings, to whom the Government’s word is law, has toed this line and he finds the experience quite pleasurable – no trudging around carrying bags, no wandering aimlessly in aisles as MMM’s good lady, also known as She Who Must Be Obeyed (SWMBO) makes up her mind on the numerous necessities that go to make chez MMM & SWMBO habitable, and above all no waiting at counters as the person in charge struggles with the teller no matter how electronic it is. On the last named MMM must add here that all departmental stores in Chennai have a resident anna or akka who is the expert on the teller. This person usually remains hidden somewhere deep in the caverns of the store and emerges only when called for in a hysterical screech. Compared to the nervous counter person this anna/akka is sang froid personified and sets right whatever is troubling the billing system within a few seconds.
Glory be to the akka-s/anna-s of the supermarkets.
But then as it has happened with countless empires, there comes a time of decline and so it has happened with these brothers and sisters of emporia. They have been replaced in importance by the delivery boys – the ones who in response to the e-orders we generate from the comfort of our homes sally forth to deliver what we want. These are now the new saviours and may their tribe increase.
MMM however has only one complaint. They seem completely incapable of reading addresses for delivery instructions. It would appear that on being asked to go forth and deliver they simply note the locality of the destination and set out. And after that they begin an incessant round of calling the recipient, until he or she answers the phone that is.
MMM has become a veteran in responding to such summons and the conversation goes like this –
Delivery boy: “Sir! There is a package for you.”
MMM: “Yes pls, and what do you want?”
DB: “Your address sir.”
MMM: “You already have it. I typed it out when I placed the order.”
DB: “Yes sir. But can you tell me what your address is?”
MMM: “I just told you that you already have it. Do you want me to repeat it for you?”
DB – “No sir,” (in a drawl that seems to suggest that he or she is humouring some half wit)“But can you tell me where exactly it is?”
MMM: “You have no map?”
DB: “Yes sir. And I am now in your locality.”
MMM: “Does the address I gave you not mention the street where I live?”
DB: “Yes it does. I just want to know where exactly it is.”
MMM: “Where are you now?”
DB: “On my way to your locality sir.”
MMM: “But you said you were already here.”
DB – “Map says half an hour away sir.”
MMM: “Then call me when you are five minutes away.”
After half an hour the person is back to calling – he is now in the locality but needs to know the street, which incidentally is already given in the address. And after a conversation similar to the one given above, the search or hunt zeroes in on the house number which given the old/new (or is it new/old?) convention/confusion, necessitates yet another guided tour. Finally, with the package firmly in hand and the signatures having been done, MMM ponders as to whether it would not have been easier for him to just drive across and pick up the package himself. But that would involve dealing with fumbling counterperson and the rest of it.
Cabs booked online before pandemic (not using since) was another source of the same problem – where EXACTLY are you is the question, when the coordinates in terms of latitude and longitude cannot be more precise or scientific. Google map guides the driver close enough but he refuses to take his eyes out of the map and look around to spot the exact house number or make the connection to the address.
Hear is our indispensable MMM — whose pun stories make us jump from MUNDANE –> MAGNIFICENT –> Moments of Hilarity.
The delivery problem seems to have gone mainstream and is ubiquitous. A seasoned(?) vendor like DHL took 30 days to deliver a gift card to a regular house address in Bangalire city clearly identified on Google maps.
Maybe the solution is for the delivery personnel to be certified deliverers who have to take and pass a location identification test, just like the London cabbies have to! But then MMM will have to deal with yet another arm of the Govt. that will oversee the licensing process. The delivery may happen but “when” might become the question!
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