MMM gets Email

This is that time of the year when many of our city people go abroad to spend time with their children and more importantly, grandchildren. And some of them, no doubt stuck in some suburb with very little to do in foreign shores, become writers. Most inflict themselves on WhatsApp groups but a few think that The Man from Madras Musings is a better recipient. They serenade MMM via email, WhatsApp and diverse other messenger services with long, patently boring, and poorly written, tracts. Most end with a request and sometimes even a peremptory order that these could be published in Madras Musings. 

Writer from Madras, Topics from Abroad

MMM does not oblige most of these cases. But two in recent times have impressed him sufficiently enough with their persistence and also tone, to merit being mentioned in these fortnightly despatches of MMM’s. The first is a person who in an introduction, which he sends in every email, describes himself as an expert in everything, from aardvark to Zulus. He then writes about food in Japan, walking in Mexico and skiing in the Alps and signs off with – a writer based in Madras as though that would qualify him to be published in MM. Sadly for him, such topics do not interest ye olde fortnightly. 

Cryptic Mails for MMM

The second took MMM a while to fathom as to what it was all about. It transpired on repeated reading to be about one of those men who having gone abroad discovers civilisation and how it is completely absent in the hometown, namely Madras that is Chennai. The message is worthy of reproduction in full – 

“My self & my wife now in XYZ USA in my daughter’s house. The small baby after delivery to be taken by a starawler in a car from hospital. Without the strawler in the car, the delivered girl & baby will not be permitted to move.

The strawler to be fixed and it should be verify and certified by the fire service dept I have enclosed the details from the brochure given by the fire service dept. They are doing it free service. Recently my daughter, granddaughter aged 18 months old and myself gone to the fire service dept after fixing an appointment to verify the strawler position. The staff immediately verified and told all ok., but he told me to change the starawlwr as the height of my granddaughter is increased.

Is there any chance in India, like this? While traveling in car all the 4 persons they have to tie seat belt, even if one is not tied, car will not run .”

MMM Deciphers the Mail

MMM did not reply. However as we all know, cars do have safety belts for all seats in India as well. It is a different matter as to whether most people remember to wear them. MMM however is not aware of any variety of car which does not run if passengers ‘are not tied in place’. It smacks of bondage and such other things we need not go into. As for the strawler/starawlwr/starawler, MMM realised after quite a while that it meant a stroller. MMM wonders if the person who sent the email is that law abiding in India.

My book on Chennai can be ordered here

This article appeared in Madras Musings issue of July 16, 2024