The Man from Madras Musings was reminded of the story of Newton’s Cats when he recently went to a centre of excellence to give a speech. And let him explain briefly what he means by that reference to the great man of science and his felines. Years ago, when MMM was a mere mmm and also a Cherubic Child of Calcutta he happened to read in his school textbook about how Sir Isaac Newton had two cats, one small and the other large. And when he locked himself in his study, they scratched the door in order to be let in. The man who defined gravity and caused untold anguishto countless mediocre students like MMM thereafter hit upon a bright idea – he would bore a hole in the lower half of the door to allow the animals easy ingress and exit. Only being a scientist he had two holes done – a large one for the large cat and a small one for the small cat.
It was a friend who pointed out to him later that the large hole would have done perfectly for the small cat as well. The story may well be apocryphal, but MMM can vouch for the fact that it appeared in his textbook.Â
When Centre of Excellence felt like Medieval Times
All of this came flooding into MMM’s brain when he entered the centre of excellence. He was there to speak to an invited audience and the invite had been sent out in the name of the Director of the institute. The published programme clearly stated that the Director would address the audience as well. On arrival MMM found the venue, the audience and the rest of the staff but of Director there was not a sign. The building and the meeting hall were all that they ought to be – concrete, steel and glass – the kind that requires air conditioning 24×7 if you have to function in it. It was just that on this particular day, the AC was either turned off or was malfunctioning. With the heat outside being overpowering, the atmosphere inside was like an oven. Men sweated freely while fair ladies fanned themselves. All it needed was a couple of punkahs near the ceiling to take us back to them dark colonial ages.
Where was Director of Centre of Excellence?
After a while in the sauna, MMM made bold to ask as to when Ye Director would grace us with his presence. The sooner the event got over the better was MMM’s considered view. There was no answer to that and the organisers wrung their hands in distress. There were hushed consultations about what needed to be done. The audience had by then become restive and resembled the proletariat that starts revolutions. It was probably this that decided the organisers. One of them stepped forward and said that while the Director was on his way the event could go ahead. Another man stepped to the podium, and this was when it was discovered that there was no mic attached to it.
Where Mics Whisper
More wringing of hands and then someone came up with a portable mic – the kind that you wear around your head and speak. It was just that none among the faculty had used such a device and they all persisted in holding the mic in their hands. As a consequence everything they said came out in hushed whispers and what with the heat and the noise made by makeshift hand fans, not much could be heard. The speeches however went on interminably and then, finally, when everyone had nearly expired in the heat it was MMM’s turn. He opted to wear the mic and make the most of a bad situation. He could do nothing about the heat, but he at least made himself heard. The audience clapped at the end, more out of relief probably and the expectation of being released into the comparatively mild Chennai summer. And meanwhile, of the Director there was no sign.
No Sign of Director of Centre of Excellence
The vote of thanks was delivered and then there was lot of pressing invites to stay back for tea. But MMM fled. He does not know if the Director did put in an appearance, but it is MMM’s guess that he was informed that the AC had failed and so had wisely opted to stay back in his office. Full marks to him if so.
But it was amazing that a centre of excellence should slip up so badly on the smallest of things.
This article appeared in Madras Musings issue of June 16, 2024 and can be read here
My book, Chennai A Biography can be ordered here