Madras Musings, written in Chinese, courtesy Google

Readership in China, The Man from Madras Musings is happy to report, continues to flourish as far as the old magazine is concerned.Fan Mails from China continue to pour in. The latest missive is from Lucy Chen who even in the caption of her mail caught MMM’s attention.

Lucy Chen writes from China

“Are you troubled with the aesthetic surface of your parts?” she asked, and she had MMM hooked. Though blessedly free of pimples while growing up, MMM on coming to man’s estate has often longed for smoother skin and with fewer dark patches. And so he read on. The mail was reassuringly addressed as Dear Friend and MMM was thrilled. Imagine, someone in faraway China was reading MM, and MMM’s column and writing. The rest of the message, barring the conclusion was somewhat of an anti-climax for it had to do with expertise in “machining in the medical field,” whatever that meant. But it signed off with hope – “Do you have any project in hand? you can email me the details, i believe i will make you 100% satisfy.

Wish our products & services can help your business.”

Helen writes too

The above missive was closely followed by one from Helen who was interested in selling some wire mesh to MM, presumably with a view to tie its deputy editor up. Helen ended by saying she was sure MMM “will be impressend by our excellent and stable quality.” 

All said and done, MMM is a hit with ladies in China. 

MMM will not waste your time on other mails received, which were essentially on non-receipt of MM, receipt of duplicate copies of MM and change of address of some of the recipients. Some of the magazines regulars seem to be among the Troops of Midian, they prowl around so much. 

Threats from Mumbai as well…

MMM having disposed off the mail, now takes you through some of the phone calls received. 

“We are from Mumbai,” said a caller. 

MMM was all ears. 

“We are coming down to shoot you,” continued the caller. 

MMM asked as to what crime he had committed. The caller was quite puzzled at first and then proceeded to assure MMM that it would all be on camera and not with bullets. 

And requests from Thiruvanmiyur

And there was the student who began badgering MMM for a write up on the Thiruvanmiyur temple. MMM kept ignoring the messages until they became a veritable flood. The last one, before MMM blocked the sender, was that the school assignment had an imminent deadline and so could MMM help. MMM was reminded of countless speakers at the Music Academy who would keep interspersing their 45 minute slot with the comment that they could have presented a lot more had time not been so short. A count of these whines revealed a total of ten minutes out of the 45 had been spent on them! The same with this student – rather than sending those emails she could have got on with the assignment.

In case you are interested in knowing what Madras Musings is all about, please click here

In case you want to read this column as it appeared in Madras Musings, please click here

What! You have not read Chennai, A Biography, my magnum opus on the city? Buy it now!