Not a day passes without the Man from Madras Musings getting one alluring invite or the other to try out massages of the oil, wine and dry varieties and accompanied by facials involving the use of diamonds. Full satisfaction and extra services were also guaranteed, whatever they imply. Some offer a special package for a “body cooling massage.” These arrive with amazing regularity on MMM’s mobile phone and he has in the past, shared some of them with his readers in this column as well. That was done not with a view to advertise for the service but as a matter of amusement, this Not a day passes without the Man from Madras Musings getting one alluring invite or the other to try out massages of the oil, wine and dry varieties and accompanied by facials involving the use of diamonds. Full satisfaction and extra services were also guaranteed, whatever they imply. Some offer a special package for a “body cooling massage.” These arrive with amazing regularity on MMM’s mobile phone and he has in the past, shared some of them with his readers in this column as well. That was done not with a view to advertise for the service but as a matter of amusement, this being the sole aim of this column apart from uplift (sorry, wrong use of word here and pun unintended).
The number of therapists, all female, keeps varying, the lowest, in times of high demand being two (North Indian and South Indian) and now in the recession going up to as many as five. MMM wishes all these girls well and has no intention of calling the numbers given but he does assume that there are people mug enough to establish contact and then lose all their money, credit cards and other valued possessions. After all, if there was no demand, these missives via SMS would have stopped a long while ago would they not? Of course, just receiving those messages gave MMM a kind of thrill – he felt wanted and that was a positive outcome. Perhaps that was the reason, for these days cell phones, so the experts inform MMM, are adept at reading your mind and getting you just what you want, that MMM has of late been flooded with companionship messages as well. A sample is given below-
Decent Club providing meeting fun with high class female in your city direct meeting offer no fake no chepness 100% safe & earn call now Jaya.
Whoever it was that sent these obviously did not attend grammar class or perhaps were previously employed at the telegraph office. The latter is more likely as the messages arrive always in capital letters, the kind that in the past would come home early in the morning with texts like uncle serious come immediately. However, leaving that aside, MMM has plenty of other queries and he lists them below –
Firstly what is chepness? MMM is unable to locate it in any dictionary and here is an interesting aside – an online search reveals that several before MMM, and no doubt brighter minds, have typed the same search and have come away baffled. It remains a frequently typed enquiry and indicates that there are others out there who have been contacted by Jaya or Bindu, the two girls who have it would appear been long in service.
Secondly, MMM always assumed that such services involved the male half of the transaction paying for the meeting and if so, how does it become an earning proposition?
Thirdly, what is implied by safe? Was violence originally contemplated?
These are some of the thoughts that flooded MMM’s mind even as he read these messages surreptitiously, hoping that his good lady, also known as She Who Must Be Obeyed did not get to see them. It then transpired that she too gets these invites and so they are evidently distributed with no bias towards gender, caste or community. This is truly a secular initiative.
Lastly, having probably read what MMM gets, his cell phone presumably alerted certain search engines, which in turn have begun asking MMM if he was interested in massage services from an agency named Urban Clap. Now MMM does not need a dictionary to tell him what ‘the clap’ stood for in the past and so he has decided not to avail of those as well. Just reading the messages is good clean fun.