A sample of the massage messages

That if you recollect was the title of a best-selling book that dealt with punctuation errors. The Man from Madras Musings was reminded of this when he recently came across several interesting messages, in print and sent via telephone.

“Offer 10% Pest Control Services for Cockroaches, Termites, Bedbugs with out smell FREE INSPECTION at UR home or Office” ran the first one and it made MMM wonder as to whether the service offered was for the benefit of the pests listed. In which case, it would eliminate the humans that coexisted with these insects. The other question that MMM had was about ‘Smell Free Inspection’. Most service personnel who come to attend to household or office repairs smell to the high heavens, what with our spice-rich diet, plenty of honest sweat, a tendency to smoke like chimneys and a fondness for polyester fibre in clothes, thereby leaving behind a rich aroma long after they have left. MMM is no snob, but there are days when he does wonder if these people would not have been better off investing in a deodorant. Be that as it may, the smell-free inspection does open up possibilities. Perhaps there are agencies that offer personnel who are free from BO.

‘IF YOU NEED GOOD FRIEND IN YOUR AREA CALL ME OR WHATS UP ME’ ran a second one. It made MMM wonder as to how the sender knew the area where MMM lived. Also, the sender must be a really gregarious person, if friends could be rustled up from any area and for any area. Truly, some people are really friendly.

In the meanwhile there is no let up when it comes to messages from massage parlours. The latest offers are from what claims to be a newly opened spa. It specialises in wine massages, whatever that means, done by ‘3 female therapist’. MMM assumes that the expression ‘sic’ is to be added after that one. An added attraction is that the same spa offers a diamond facial for free if we avail of its wine massage by 3 female therapist. As to what a diamond facial is, MMM has no clue. He has read somewhere that the diamond is among the hardest substances known and, so, whatever this is, it is bound to be painful. But all that is nothing compared to this one – Best relaxing ful body pain relief massage! Oil, Thai, Aroma Massage Avl! Dne by wel trained South and North FEMALES!

And then there are those resorts that are running empty when our legislators are not staying in them. The latest offer from these is Rs 4,000 worth VIP Cracker Box, if you stay there for eight days. MMM assumes that the VIP Cracker is the only instrument by means of which you can evict a legislator from a resort. That is apart from an adverse High Court judgement of course.

Dovetailing with all the above is a poster that The Man from Madras Musings espied on all the pillars of our Metrorail down Pallavaram way. “To Let: Bachelor, Family, Office, Godown” it ran. MMM was really intrigued at the number of ways in which people are making money. He never knew bachelors and families are available on hire. If that be so, why is the bachelor not hiring the family and vice versa?