As he gets older, The Man from Madras Musings has several parts of his body craving for attention. The lower back has sunk low in terms of its ability to hold up, and as for his left knee, there are certain sounds emanating from it that would not be out of place in a metal-forming workshop. The right foot has days when it becomes very communicative and, of late, is engaging in a conversation of sorts with the left elbow. There are times when the general noise level rises to an extent that MMM gets the idea that he is eavesdropping on a group discussion among body parts.

MMM’s good lady, also known as She Who Must Be Obeyed decreed that a good massage would set all of this right and, so, of late, MMM, whose private life, he will let you know, is an open book, has a burly masseur coming home to knead, rotate, pummel, etc. All of this has MMM feeling as though he has emerged from a boxing bout with Mohammed Ali, but it does help all the talkative body parts quieten down a little. Call it coincidence or whatever, but massaging as a service appears to be going through a boom even as MMM takes his first steps in it. And some of these services appear to be offering a lot more than a massage, in this holy land of Chennai that was once Madras. How else do you explain this epistle that keeps coming up on MMM’s cell phone at least once a day?

“£~¤Summer Offer! B-o-d-y m-a-s-s-a-g-e Starts from 1299/-
Kerala,Thai,Swedish done by Best Offer in 4in1 combo package”

MMM would like to know why the words bodymassage are stretched out like that. Is it a visual depiction of what happens to your tissues? And what is a 4in1 combo package when only three, namely Kerala, Thai and Swedish are mentioned? What is the fourth service offered? Above all, what is the pound symbol doing upfront? Is that the currency in which you are charged?

The pound is not the only one. You also have this, liberally festooned with Euros:
“BODY MASSAG€ Starts from 1499/ K€rala, Thai, Sw€dish massag€s don€ B€st Offer in 4 in 1 combo packag€”

And once again you have a 4in1 service that has only three massage styles on offer.
The following one is more graphic:

“Body massage offer for u Relaxation only Dry Massage @ Rs-999 OIL massage @ Rs-1999 Done By 2 female Therapist (South & North)”.

Now when they say the ‘two female therapist’ are south and north do they refer to the extremities of your body or the regions from which these women come from? But at least the charges are clearly in rupees.
And, lastly, you have this:

~Massage~in#Kilpauk# offer… Relax* your* Mind&Body ~Massage~offer..Oil, Thai, Swedish, Deep Tissue , Balinese, Tigger Point

And so it appears that the fourth style is Balinese. MMM wonders if the masseurs and masseuses dress up in floral skirts and wear hibiscus garlands. As to what is Tigger Point, MMM does not know. Perhaps it has something to do with Winnie The Pooh. Whatever be the service offered, there is no denying that the imagination boggles at all of these. Who said Chennai is not exciting? You just need to press it here and there for rich dividends.