Those who follow the ramblings of the Man from Madras Musings will know that he attends diplomatic events chiefly to observe the ridiculous. There were the famed episodes in MMM’s career – the ambassador of an impoverished country giving him a photocopy of a visiting card as he could not afford printing them afresh, the announcement that only bowl food would be given and the dinner where the menu was so alien that hardly anyone ate and most left in a huff. The most recent episode, though not in that class, only went to reaffirm that such events are organised more for the sake of form than really with an effort to impress. Most Trade Delegations seem to operate on a shoestring budget.
Presenting Chennai to a Trade Delegation
MMM was asked if he could speak about the city to a visiting trade delegation and he agreed. A day before the event he prepared a presentation to help the session along and emailed it to the point of contact only to be told that there would be no facility to project as this was planned more as an ‘informal chat’. MMM had a familiar sinking feeling which was accentuated when the organiser said she would not be present as she had to be elsewhere. It is MMM’s considered view that when the organiser of an event welshes, it usually indicates that the programme will be a mess. Sure enough it was.
The Trade Delegation Delays Its Arrival
On the day of the event MMM was informed that the programme was not at the upmarket hotel where the delegation was staying but in another that would properly qualify as the boondocks. MMM, having no other choice drove over and was on time only to find that the delegation was nowhere in sight. A call from an overseas number informed MMM that they were held up in traffic and would soon be there. The prolonged wait necessitated MMM having to use the washroom, which he did, trying not to look at the stained porcelain and the tissue papers flying around.
Scrapping for a Seat
The group eventually arrived and then it dawned on MMM that they did not have a reservation at the hotel restaurant. Some hurried negotiations took place between the group leader and the hotel manager, and we were all led to a space outside the restaurant, more a corridor really, where chairs were hurriedly assembled. The leader of the delegation informed MMM that coming from a cold country, his group preferred to be outside, absorbing the warmth. That it was awfully hot and humid and that this was more a face saver did not escape MMM.
Trade Delegation Goes Dry
It being a dry day, the leader beamed that no alcohol was available (so much money saved his smile said). Not that it mattered to MMM who is a teetotaller but the rest looked taken aback. And then, without so much as an introduction, MMM was asked to speak. As if cue, a wedding band, to entertain guests at an open air event on the lawn burst into raucous music. MMM summoned all the lung power in his possession and practically screamed out his talk. And then refusing all invites to stay on for dinner, left (the leader looked pleased at the saving).
The next morning MMM had a call from the organiser. She wanted MMM’s feedback. She got it.
My book on Chennai can be ordered here
This article appeared in Madras Musings dated November 1, 2024 and can be read here